Food essay

According to my food essay, it has a good hook and clear thesis.
But the supporting details in each paragraph are not enough.
I have some grammar mistakes and the words choosing is just normal.
As a result, I think I would get a 4 or 3.5

Improving my final draft

According to my first draft of the significant food, there are many small problems because of it’s written in a hasty way. It’s still hard for me to write a 700 words essay in one night with also much other homework. As a result I have no enough time to make it perfect.

The first problem that I need to change is the abuse of “to be verbs”. It seems easy for people to use “to be verbs” in their first draft and daily expression. However, for a formal essay, they don’t fit enough. I should find some more descriptive and more detailed verbs to use instead of the “to be verbs”. I think I should check my “to be verbs” and change them to better described language and making my body paragraphs more attractive and more interesting.

On the other hand, I should improve my conclusion part by shorten the not using sentences. I used my language to describe too many similar things so I didn’t use strong words and strong ideas to support and improve my thesis in the conclusion. For what I should do, I should move the emotional language part to the body paragraph and shorten first. Then, I need to add details and points to make my thesis much more powerful.

To conclude, there are some grammar mistakes that need me to check my essay carefully. Also, I think I would find more weakness of my essay during the other drafts to make me a perfect final draft.

The significant food in my mind - second draft

What’s your favorite food or what’s the most significant food in your mind? There were many delicious foods in my mind but some of them are the usual food with unusual meaning for me. Over the winter break, I went back home, and many of my close relatives in my family came to the city that I lived to meet me. My grandma, who looked after me everyday until my cousin born when I was ten years old, came also. I loved the food that she cooked so much during the time period that she looked after me, especially the noodle she cooked. Even though noodles are too normal to attract my attention, the beautiful noodles she made with the normal, but delicious taste and the special love she poured into were totally different than any other noodles I tried ever.

The handmade noodle is not too difficult to cook that I can even cook it by myself. However, the taste did change a lot even though the processes are totally the same. It might be the taste of love. I asked my grandma to make the noodle again this time she came to me. Then, she quickly started the process. Starting from chose the type of flour, she was careful. I knew that she wanted to try her best to make me happy. Then, she mixed a little water and the flour together. The mixture soon became big dough, which was smooth, white and soft. Later, she rolled the dough to really thin, even thinner than two millimeter, and folded it. After that, she cut the dough in to pieces and boiled the noodle. With the clear smell of the noodle and sauce that made by beans, peppers and eggs, the meal was coming.

Beside the beautiful smell of the noodle, the first thing that caught my mention was its color. Even though the noodle is in a simple white color, I can find a strong comparison between the color of the noodle and the sauce. The noodle was white and smooth, and the sauce is in a warm golden yellow, which provoke the appetite and make people desire to eat it. The green pepper made it seemed lovely. Then, for the beans that were already filled in the soy sauce, I found a strong contrast. My grandma was magical that she made a common kind of food to a kind of art.

“It won’t be this tasty if you don’t eat it now.” My grandmother smiled kindly. So I came to the dining room and quickly got a bowl of noodle to eat. The noodle’s really good and chewy. Also, the sauce was tasty with the egg and contained lots of oil in it. However, it wasn’t greasy because of the refreshing and juicy pepper diluted the oily taste. It’s not spicy even though there’s pepper in the meal because my grandma knew I hate spicy food and it would make me feel bad. She put more eggs than usual because she knew that I like the eggs better than the salty bean and soy sauce. It was a pleasure to eat it.

The meal was really delicious and every part of the noodle followed the flavor that I liked because my grandmother knew every interest of me in my life. She knew me well because of the ten years memory. She’s the closest person in my life that I can tell her everything I wanted to say. Also, she looked after me well that each of my small habit can be easily remembered by her. I can never forget the food she cooked as well as I can never forget the time that we stayed together. The food wasn’t only something to eat, when people pour their emotion in to the food, everything seemed different.

The significant food in my mind - first draft

Over the winter break, I went back home, and many close relatives in my family came to the city that I lived to meet me. My grandma, who looked after me everyday until my cousin born when I was ten years old, came also. I loved the food that she cooked so much during the time period that she looked after me, especially the noodle she cooked. Actually I didn’t like to eat any noodle usually, but the handmade noodle that she made seems different. Not only because of the different taste, and also the love I can feel from it.

The handmade noodle is not too difficult to cook that I can even cook it by myself. However, the taste did change a lot even though the processes are totally the same. It might be the taste of love. I asked my grandma to make the noodle again this time she came to me. Then, she quickly started the process. Starting from chose the type of flour, she was careful. I knew that she wanted to try her best to make me happy. Then, she mixed a little water and the flour together. The mixture soon became big dough, which was smooth, white and soft. Later, she rolled the dough to really thin, even thinner than two millimeter, and folded it. After that, she cut the dough in to pieces and boiled the noodle. With the clear smell of the noodle and sauce that made by beans, peppers and eggs, the meal was coming.

Beside the beautiful smell of the noodle, the first thing that caught my mention was its color. Even though the noodle is in a simple white color, I can find a strong comparison between the color of the noodle and the sauce. The noodle was white and smooth, and the sauce is in a warm golden yellow, which provoke the appetite and make people desire to eat it. The green pepper made it seemed lovely. Then, for the beans that were already filled in the soy sauce, I found a strong contrast. My grandma was magical that she made a common kind of food to a kind of art.

I tried to taste it as soon as possible. The noodle’s really good and chewy. Also, the sauce was tasty with the egg and contained lots of oil in it. However, it wasn’t greasy because of the refreshing and juicy pepper diluted the oily taste. It’s not spicy even though there’s pepper in the meal because my grandma knew I hate spicy food and it would make me feel bad. She put more eggs than usual because she knew that I like the eggs better than the salty bean and soy sauce. It was a pleasure to eat it.

The meal was really delicious and every part of the noodle followed the flavor that I liked because my grandmother knew every interest of me in my life. I can never forget the food she cooked as well as I can never forget the time that we stayed together. The food wasn’t only something to eat, when people pour their emotion in to the food, everything seemed different.

Resolution

The one resolution I want to choose is to become more organized. It involves the use of time, the structure of doing things, and the organizing of my room. It's important because I always felt anxious with the unorganized events that I wanted to do. Also, I did bad on tidying my room and I cannot find important things usually. It made me lose the time to do things peacefully, and I always rushed on everything that I needed to do. As a result, for this year, I wish I can be more organized, and it can help me to have a better and easier life.

2015 resolutions

1. Improve grades
2. Become more organized
3. Do more exercise
4. Become more independent
5. Find new friends

My winter break plan

By the winter break’s coming, my heart flies to my hometown, China and cannot wait for the events that are going to happen. I have a strange family that doesn’t have stable places to live. Thus, it would be a busy break that I should fly to Hong Kong first, then Anhui province, then Hubei province and Shanghai at last. However, I’m already get used with the busy plan every time I got back. I extremely look forward the meeting with my lovely family members two days after.

For the first thing that I would do after I got back, I would chat with my grandparents. They are the people I love the most in this World. When I was young, my parents are too busy to look after me everyday and the two elders and my great grandmother, who’s already passed away, were the only people that could stay with me and look after me. As a result, I have profound feeling with them. I’m sure when I go back, I would absolutely tell them everything happened in this few months whatever that’s happy or sad. Surely, I would tell them everything about me.

After that, I think I would start some reading and writing in Chinese. I’m kind of unfamiliar with Chinese because of coming to America. Even though there are many Chinese classmates, we usually only talk Chinese instead of writing or reading. I used to be a student that good at writing, but I cannot be as good as previous now. I want to make myself better and I don’t want to forget the culture of my motherland, so I decide to work on studying Chinese for this Winter Break. On the other hand, I should study for SAT because of the coming SAT test after this year.  It makes me seem truly busy, but it’s not unbearable.

Meanwhile, it’s a break. The break means something can make me resting, eating, sleeping and relaxing. I wish I can always sleep a lot and no one would wake me up in the morning during the break. I’m tired with those hard-working days in CA. I was a lazy girl last year, and actually I’m still that lazy girl right now. Nevertheless, I wish I would have a better future and so I won’t feel this tired when I become an old woman. So, by wanting to make myself to a lazy person again when I’m old, I need to learn more and being hard-working, to make me a brighter future.

Lastly, there are other things that I should do. I would go shopping because I became taller and the clothes never change their sizes. I would go meeting my secondary school friends and giving them some gifts that I take back. I would go to many places to find some delicious food because I miss Chinese food so much. Americans cannot imagine how great it is to have the real Chinese meal everyday. The planning make me cannot wait for even one minute. I wish I could rush back.