According to my first draft of the
significant food, there are many small problems because of it’s written in a
hasty way. It’s still hard for me to write a 700 words essay in one night with
also much other homework. As a result I have no enough time to make it perfect.
The first problem that I need to change is
the abuse of “to be verbs”. It seems easy for people to use “to be verbs” in
their first draft and daily expression. However, for a formal essay, they don’t
fit enough. I should find some more descriptive and more detailed verbs to use
instead of the “to be verbs”. I think I should check my “to be verbs” and
change them to better described language and making my body paragraphs more
attractive and more interesting.
On the other hand, I should improve my
conclusion part by shorten the not using sentences. I used my language to
describe too many similar things so I didn’t use strong words and strong ideas
to support and improve my thesis in the conclusion. For what I should do, I should
move the emotional language part to the body paragraph and shorten first. Then,
I need to add details and points to make my thesis much more powerful.
To conclude, there are some grammar
mistakes that need me to check my essay carefully. Also, I think I would find
more weakness of my essay during the other drafts to make me a perfect final
draft.
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